LOSS HISTORY GRAPH EXERCISE
Original Source Unknown
It can be helpful to review all the significant losses you have ever had, in order to discover the early childhood patterns of grieving that you were taught and learned. Very likely, you are using those same patterns to deal with your most recent loss.
Begin by charting your earliest recollection of a death or a significant loss that occurred during your when you were young. It could be the death of a person or a pet, or the loss of something important, a move, etc. Continue with other losses such as a loss of a friendship, leaving home, divorce, illness, etc. Next, indicate the significance of each loss by drawing a line next to the event. In other words, the more difficult the loss, the longer the line. You may also include other significant events in your life, both happy and sad -- marriage, children, new job, etc.
Next to each loss, or significant event, list a few words that come to mind that remind you of how you felt at the time. Remember who was there to talk to you about the loss. Remember how members of your family dealt with their feelings. Recall if others around you understood your needs and gave you the necessary time to grieve. Think back to how and what you were told about the loss.
If you have an emotional response while doing this exercise, don’t hold your feelings back. It’s ok to cry, be sad, angry, etc.
There is no right or wrong way to do this exercise. No one will judge your work and no one’s approval is required. Just be honest and do it in your own way. Take your time. Let your thoughts and feelings flow freely.
Example:
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Sample Loss History Graph
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Birth
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My Reaction
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Sister Born
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Jealous, displaced
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Grandfather Died
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Too young to understand
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Father Died
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Blocked Grief
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Mom Remarried
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Lots of change, turmoil
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Failed Grade
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Embarrassed,sad guilty
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First Job
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Pride, grown-up
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Got Married
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Joyful, hopeful, optimistic, beloved
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First Child Born
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Awe, wonder, gratitude
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Job Promotion
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Weight of additional responsibility
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Present
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